Divorcing With Kids
If your divorcing now or know a divorce is on the horizon here are a few suggestions I would make. Of course none of these things were really available or talked about when I was a child going through a divorce. But now the world of Internet makes it possible for you to reach out and get all kinds of information as well as great resources to help you and your kids.
1) REACH OUT TO OTHERS
Your not in this alone. Sometimes it seems as if its all falling in, the walls are closing in and the roof is coming down on your head, Nothing is going right and its everything you can do - to pull yourself out of bed each morning and do what you need to do in order to make it through another day. But your not alone. Others have made it through a divorce as well, and each of them felt this way too at some point. Find these people and connect with them. Internet searches, local churches, non-profit groups, divorce counselors etc are all good resources.
2) DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON YOUR KIDS
It is easy to be stressed out tired and angry or hurt all at once. Unfortunately, this is often taken out on the child. You might not think your doing it. But your quick temper, loud words and even your body language speaks volumes to your child. Make sure your not reacting out of rage and anger toward your ex and taking it out on the kids.
3) DON'T GET IN ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP
This might well be in every blog I do, but so be it. It is that important. DO NOT get involved in another relationship until at least 1 year after the divorce is FINAL. This does not mean 1 year after you started sleeping in separate rooms, or 1 year after you moved out. BUT 1 year after the divorce is final. This is very important for not only you and your ability to have nurturing relations but you also need a 'healed' heart and soul before you can start sharing it with someone else. Beside your kids will need you more than ever. Your spare time and your not so spare time need to be 100% for you and your children. Do not be selfish in this respect. How long were you married??? So then 1 year is not that much to ask. I have even heard it said its 1 year by yourself for ever 5yrs of marriage, with the 1 year a minimum. SO if you were married 10yrs its 2 years on your own. Do this for yourself and your child, but at the very least wait 1 year before you start even dating.
4) DON'T MAKE YOUR CHILD PICK FAVORITES
DO not use your kids as a pawn in this nasty battle. Although it can be tempting. I mean you want your child to pick you right? you want to be the parent on top- the winner so to speak. DON'T DO THIS. Remember your children deep down love both of you. Even if there is one parent who did something that made the child angry. The child still deep down loves both parents - this is natural and the way it should be. Don't make them pick sides and don't plant information and ideas in their heads. This is only hurting the child and messing with their future relationship with this parent. Further, it could potentially lay the ground work for your child to have tumultuous relationships in the future when they grow up. Allow your child to love you both and learn to bite your tongue and keep your feelings out of it.
5) DON'T ARGUE-YELL OR VOICE YOUR ANGER ABOUT THE OTHER PARENT IN FRONT OF KIDS
Kids will sometimes pick up on your hurts, listen to your grievances being displayed or talked about openly with the kids present. I even had one child tell me she heard her Mom talking to her grandma about her Dad taking all the money and having an affair. She told me she thought it mean her Dad had a younger girlfriend. This child was only 7 years old. Be cautious about whom your talking to and what is being said when your child is in the house. In this case this child does not need to know the explicit details of the divorce, further it made this 7 year old feel like she needed to help protect her Mom. A child at this age is the one that needs to be cared for and protected, not the other way around.
To learn more or read about other issues that can arise, visit my blog at:
http://childrenofdivorce-blt.blogspot.com
and watch for my website:
http://www.waffleville.com
and interactive site for kids of divorce.This article is free for republishing
Source: http://www.goinglegal.com/article_222545_96.html
Keywords: anger, blog
, body language, counselors, divorce, few suggestions, good resources, great resources, heart and soul, horizon, language speaks volumes, local churches, loud words, profit groups, quick temper, rage, relationship, separate rooms, spare time, time need.